I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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