is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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