Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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