dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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