U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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