whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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