I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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