hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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