Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
