I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
