No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
