Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
