dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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