I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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