the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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