i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hippo gnu deer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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