Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
