pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
