I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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