So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
