he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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