Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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