Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
