there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
