Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
