There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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