Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
