I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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