I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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