So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
