did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
