I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize