that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
