The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
