I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
