I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
