I'm going to jail i love you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
