So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
