she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize