apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
