Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
