winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
