is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize