I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
