those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
