Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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