So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
