The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize