The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
