But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
