Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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