Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
