okay pat passed out under dana's car
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
