im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
where are my eyebrows?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize