Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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