And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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