I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
