now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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