I didn't shave. On purpose
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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