He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
