I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he thought i was a dude.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
