i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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