there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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