Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
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